It’s probably a good point to talk about something very different. Something that perhaps many friends and coaching client discuss–Can one actually lead a happy and meaningful life while trying to build an independent career?
I will deal with the thought of living meaningfully first. This is not a lofty intellectual or spiritual idea. In fact, you have probably lived consciously (ie. meaningfully) each time a voice in your head told you to throw that plastic wrapper in the beach bin out of the harmful way of some living creature. You have probably lived consciously when you saw a colleague who wasn’t your best friend but who became a friend because you decided to help her with some difficult work.
Living meaningfully is not an easy thing. As a teenager, I was surrounded by family members who expressed themselves with angry words. When I came home from school, I didn’t know which of the two particularly irate members in the house would be in a temper. I took up running and reading as a way to mentally survive. I started reading history books on slavery, Gandhi and the Second World War. It was then that I came upon “Man’s search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl, a holocaust survivor.
Frankl went from having a successful career in neurology and psychiatry to becoming a penniless Auschwitz prisoner. On days when he was required to do hard labor in the snow, he realized he could only continue wanting to live if he thought of his wife. Ironically, she later died in another holocaust prison camp. Viktor continued to find meaning through non-material things such as listening to the music of some imprisoned musicians. I realized from a young age that meaning can still be attained without our usual material “props” in life. I also saw that when people like Frankl, Gandhi, Buddha touch the edge of the light, they have an inner peace that is unshakable. And if every other person passed this light on, the world does actually become a better place.
So the light I am speaking about is an awareness that we are all connected. To our inner selves. And to others.
When someone tells you they are feeling nothing but darkness; it often has something to do with feeling disconnected. I will speak about connection to others first as that’s much easier to get our head around. Connection is how a society copes and thrives. You can take this on various levels. Intellectually and physically, it is how Steve Jobs got his Apple company out of the garage, it is how Peter Hilary started his school for Nepalese children and it is how a nations comes together after any natural disaster. Spiritually, it is the basis and outcome of unconditional love.
Even if you have 300 rather social media friends and four to five heart to heart bffs, you are indeed connected. (In many of our lives as children or adults, four to five is a kingdom of richness.) It may take time to develop three to four strong friendships with people you can turn to when you are celebrating an achievement or feeling the most dejected. A good friend has enough love for you to accept the zombie and the angel in you. You will find cultivating such a friendship as one of the most important experiences you have as a conscious being.
A lot of us feel happy from having a good time with friends or a new love, a new gadget, a fun outing, a good hour of video game play etc. Whether it be small joys or great elation, our human psyche and physiology allows us endorphins, dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin to feel such an emotion. For this reason, it is almost physiologically impossible to feel happy every hour of the day in a long continuum as our human body can’t produce such hormones on such a continuum. This is a fact even if circumstances were completely blissful, if we were perfect in everything we did and if we were surrounded by wonderful people who were on their best behavior, all of which just isn’t always the case! On the other hand, the serenity of meditators like the Dai Lama is a little more sustainable. People like him have learned to connect to their inner self and to find inner peace.
Religious people often refer to the inner self as “soul”. As a religious therapist, you may also say that the inner self is more complicated than that. Many psychologists and mystics talk about the ego and superego. Many believe these aspects of self are just the outer layers covering the “soul”.
If you are an atheist, or science oriented, you would more likely believe in the idea of a material world. You might refer back to the Big Bang Theory, when the beginning of the universe was just one ball of energy. When the big bang occurred, bits of energy billion of years ago became matter. You came from such matter. We all did. No matter what your philosophy is, you may realize that when you strip away all the tears, the fears, the ego, you will see your final connection to what atheists call the great beginning and what some mystics call Source. In other words, we were all star dust once and we all may have belonged to one life force at one time, which is our one connection to each other. Even in the modern world there is connectivity; if a factory causes air pollution, it can add to global warming which in the long run, affects people all over the world. Many spiritual people understand that the hurt they give someone is really a hurt to themselves and that whatever kindness they give others is really a kindness to themselves.
This is the self-awareness I want to impart to you. I want you to understand that a little bit of inner exploration often gives insight which will often lead to equilibrium. At the same time, when you connect and love yourself unconditionally, it will be a bit easier to love others in a similar manner.
Whatever, you call the inner self, it is a part of who you are and understanding your inner self can help you approach the idea of how to lead a meaningful and happy life as a soulpreneur.
When you are connected to your inner self, and feel a sense of equilibrium, things will shake you but not to the degree an earthquake would. You will understand that a mistake or failure is just a call to put in more time and effort in finding the right method. A problem with a supplier or a client is not the end of the world. Rather it is an opportunity to build character and do more research, and it may mean quite a bit of sacrifice as I admit I have missed quite a few events and spent late nights working.
A connection to your inner self will also understand that a rejection by a friend or potential lover does not mean your value is any lesser. It will definitely hurt and your appetite at dinner may wane as you are human and an emotional being. Yes, even when you are connected to your inner self, you will hurt from many things. However, an inner sense of equilibrium allows one to have perspective. It allows one to see that people, even those who hurt you, have their own vulnerabilities and backstory. It doesn’t excuse their behavior but it may help to know that their actions are outcomes of a variety of reasons. But more important than that, a sense of equilibrium allows one to develop self-love which allows one to love the greater world without wanting to seek revenge on certain people that may or may not deserve it.
The ways to be happy from the inside and to connect to your inner self.
- There is so much more to connection with your inner self that there have been countless books written on it by great writers such as Eckhart Tolle, Thich Nhat Hahn and Paramahansa Yogananda.
- Aside from reading, you can find the interviews or work of these spiritual people on YouTube, including others like Matt Kahn and Richard Swinburne on YouTube. They are all incredibly different from each other – only because this world is a richness of inner-self experiences.
- Another way to find a connection to yourself is by writing your weekly learning and insights in a diary. Self-observation often brings some self-awareness. In this same journal, you can write two to three things you are grateful for every other day. When you down, flip through these pages to get some encouragement. It can also sometimes give one a sense of perspective.
- Spending time in the park or by the sea brings one in touch with nature. This is one aspect of bringing some serenity and balance to one’s life. It is often more grounding in effect.
- Perhaps one of the most crucial method to self-connection is by learning some meditation or yoga. This is a very short and simple video on how to meditate —https://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=oeIxp6nB2bM. Even if you practiced 6 to 10 minutes a day (even on the bus to school), you will find a way to develop some equilibrium in your life.
You will begin to notice that many of these methods to self-awareness is actually leading you to discover an inner self that is really more than just the sum of your thoughts and feelings. In meditation, one is often asked to allow any thought to come through the mind and to “witness” it. In other words, recognize you are having a thought about something and then let it go rather than fight it. The space between thoughts is almost like a moment when you draw a blank. It is important to note that when a therapist tells you that you are not your fear or addiction, or when a spiritual person says you are alive beyond your thoughts, they are talking about an alive consciousness. Understanding and growing this awareness takes time and includes some of the steps mentioned above.
More than just attaining a career goal, I’ve always felt that finding the ability to look after my mental and emotional health would help me beyond days of trial and tribulations. Having a calm inner life helps you to either be serenely still or courageously move forward even when things around you seem a little out of control. So conscious living, comprised of your connection to others and to your inner self, is the journey I invite you to take to be as fulfilled as you could ever dream of being.
